Royce’s Genital Protection Fund
Originally published in Harespaw
Hello and welcome to Royce’s Corner. This is the only place where we dare to discuss the hard topics, like “why making white children learn Spanish is racist.” I apologize for being gone for so long. You might remember I was incarcerated a few years ago for defending a Container Store from Antifa forces trying to loot it under the guise of “social justice.” I was able to get the charges dropped from “first degree murder” to “second degree manslaughter” to “reckless endangerment with a deadly weapon,” until finally my lawyers rightly proved that I was acting in self-defense. Now there are twelve less anarchists in the world and I am a free man again.
But somehow things have gotten worse. All these states are attempting to pass gun laws and I worry for their safety. Because think about it: If I was some depraved maniac and I wanted to shoot up a school or a movie theater, where would I go? Where guns are banned? Or where every law-abiding citizen can carry whatever weapon reflects their commitment to freedom?
I know where I would commit mass murder.
To test this, I stood outside my local synagogue with an AR-15 holstered over my shoulder. I did so because I am a friend of the Jews and wanted to protect them from any Jihadists who might try to blow them up. But then the rabbi there called the police on me and said I was making them feel threatened. Apparently it’s illegal to open-carry now in this state, which is insane. There’s no way to hide a rifle that big.
So as I’m leaving I see this lady on a street corner with a shaved head and a clipboard. Probably a lesbian. Do I have a problem with that? Of course not! I don’t care if you’re gay or lesbian or both. But there are limits. Just because you’re a lesbian doesn’t mean you have to show it. You can still put on some makeup and a low-cut blouse. Nothing kills the vibe like seeing a woman wearing overalls with an American History X haircut.
So I ask this lesbian what she’s doing. Turns out she’s gathering signatures to ban guns in the entire state! I try to warn her how guns protect women like her from getting murdered by hobos and junkies. But then she tells me that she’s actually a guy (!?). So I ask “him” to show me
“his” penis to prove it. Except this so-called guy refuses, saying that he’s a “trans man.”
Now your boy Royce has heard about the “trans” before (and no, I’m not taking about a Trans-Am Pontiac). Trans people are men who become women so they can use the ladies bathroom at Target. It’s asinine. Can you imagine anything worse than being a woman? Getting paid less? Getting abducted? Buying pants with no pockets?
I don’t know why anyone would choose to be a woman.
Likewise ladies shouldn’t bother trying to become guys. It takes a lot of origami to turn a vagina into a penis. And woman are biologically and emotionally incapable of being hunter/gatherers (unless they’re “hunting” for deals at a Sephora). That’s a hard fact. Just look at our ancestors. They weren’t sitting around bitching about the “glass ceiling” (they didn’t even have glass back then!).
So I went to see my buddy Todd over at American Gun World. You might Remember Todd from my column “Reverse Sexism: Why We Need More Male Gynecologists.” Todd suggested that women are impersonating guys and committing horrible atrocities as some conspiracy to take guns away from honest American men. It’s not surprising. First they bitch their way into our sports teams even though they don’t know how to dribble. Then they watch their older brothers play Call of Duty and suddenly want to join our military. What do they want to be next? Walruses?
That night I spent almost an hour googling everything about the trans. What I found was shocking: So-called “progressive” parents are forcing their kids to become trans so that they can get free healthcare. So-called doctors are even encouraging parents to poison their babies with
“puberty blockers” that’ll shrink their penises. I don’t have the exact numbers, but last year it’s estimated that over a million parents* mutilated their kids genitals without their permission while they were sleeping like some sadistic Tooth Fairies! I can only imagine them waking up with
their genitals stuck in some Saw trap.
Every year these gender-fascists are recruiting more and more children to their death cult.
It’s estimated by 2030 that the trans will out number normal “cis” children 100 to 1. The only way to stop this is by nipping it in the bud. Which is why I’ve started the Royce Genital Protection Fund. Our goal is to protect the genitals of our nation’s young. We will accomplish this by installing stainless steel chastity belts around their penises and vaginas. These will remain until they are eighteen and capable of protecting themselves. Only the RGPF will have access to their genitals. In this way we can protect them from their parents, doctors, and even the federal government, who have clearly proven themselves on the pro-mutilation side by allowing trans people to join the military.
Simultaneously the RGPF will combat abortions which are being forced onto our nation’s nubile women. It is morally wrong to kill a baby (or at least until the baby is old enough to do something deserving to be killed). Additionally It is proven that pregnancy by rape is impossible as the female body has highly advanced self-defense mechanisms to differentiate between actual rape and just slutting it up. The RGPF is already fast at work on banning birth control and pornography, as they delude women into doing reckless things like having sex.
None of this will be easy. Together we can fight the Hollywood elite who think Barbie should've won an Oscar. We can imprison the gender-changelings who stalk our women’s restrooms. We can rescue our youth from being shipped off to Tijuana where back-alley Mexican doctors can steal their gonads.
It’s up to you, our valued readers, to support the RGPF with regular contributions. I would be out on the frontlines too but I’ve been told by my parole officer that I should lay low for the foreseeable future.
Good night and good luck.
-Royce
* Matt Walsh, The Joe Rogan Experience
